bullying is a universal problem of epic proportions. an epidemic nobody is talking about.
while everyone is suffering, nobody is recognizing it as an emergency or doing anything about it. people seem to have given up in sheer hopelessness.
there are countless articles and videos of experts giving solutions, ways, and tricks to counter and survive bullies, but all fall flat before the draconian reality.
bullying is like an unpleasant adamant elephant in the room making everyone's life miserable, and yet everyone is so used to it that they behave as if it is not there!
bullies are everywhere....in families, in the neighbourhood, at workplaces, in relations...not just individuals but also nations and all kinds of entities who are bullies...
they drive their victims crazy, making their personal, professional, and family life hell. the victims seem to have only two options - either surrender and keep suffering or fight to defeat in an unequal battle. the fight turns out to be a worse solution than the problem.
everyone seems to be clueless about the potential solution.
is there any?
fortunately, there is a solution. and that is what i am going to share below.
to understand the solution, let's first quickly understand the cause of the problem...
a bully is not necessarily a fat, heavy, ugly, angry guy....bullies come in all types and varieties. in fact, a bully is a state of mind.
a bully bullies because of 5 main reasons:-
1- that is his or her habit and is continuing unabated and unchecked because no one countered him or her to stop
2- that is his or her way of releasing his or her negative energy or frustrations
3- he or she is in a vulnerable position, considers you a threat or a competitor, fears you and hence bullies you consciously or subconsciously to get you out of the way
4- it gives him or her pleasure...typical hunting (killing for pleasure) mindset...a bully having little or no conscience (the sense of right or wrong)
5- bullying serves them some purpose, some benefit
the first and second types can be easily countered by just standing up to them. chances are that you have already done that and it hasn't worked. it means that your bully is not from these two types.
most chronic bullies are of type 3,4 or 5
so, what to do about them?
the hint of the solution to countering a bully lies in the reason why he or she doesn't bully everyone? why only you? or the likes of you?
you will notice that bullies don't bully everyone around you. you feel as if he or she has randomly picked you. that's not true.
you have become a victim for a reason, and that reason is missing in others.
what is that reason?
"power, strength, importance"
yes, that's right. you read it correctly...
these are the reasons for your being bullied.
just answer me...
why are you important? (i mean in your place where you are being bullied)
are you powerful or powerless? what is your strategic power or strength?
confused?
let me give you some examples...
have you noticed that one of your colleagues is not being bullied by the same bully because his or her father or brother or husband is in police or income tax or is a politician etc.
have you noticed that someone in the same office is not bullied because he or she is in accounts and the bully needs to get his bills cleared from him or her...
have you noticed that the bully doesn't bully someone who has a goon bodybuilder friend...
have you noticed that the bully doesn't bully his friend's relative...
have you noticed that the same bully doesn't bully someone who is a source of profit or benefit to him or her?
....so what are the common patterns you see in these examples?
you got it!
if you are of any gain to the bully, the bully will spare you.
if you can potentially cause pain to the bully, the bully is unlikely to touch you.
please remember that the bully is a bully but not a fool. he or she knows where his or her interest lies.
it is all a game of gain or pain being played.
your ability to give gain or pain to someone trying to bully you is your shield against bullying.
all relations are negotiation balances. till the balance is achieved, negotiation continues, consciously or unconsciously, clean or dirty.
weakness is not good. it may comfort you temporarily but soon will make your life hell.
only some kind of strategic power or strength can save you from predators who will always be there.
you have to have a deterrent. you should not be a delicious target but a bitter one. the pain that the bully gets by bullying you (including the loss of gain) should take you out of his or her list.
bullies will continue to be there because that is human nature arising out of a particular cocktail of situations and traits. but your primary duty is to protect you and those around you.
you might say that you have no uncle or relative in police or income tax or muscleman etc. you might say that you are in no position to give gain or pain to the bully.
but you are wrong. the fact is that you are so full of fear and hopelessness that you are not noticing some strategic strength or importance you carry.
for example, you might be doing work so hard that the bully knows that he won't find another one to replace you in case you are not there.
maybe you know some critical information or have a skill which is difficult to find a replacement of and your absence can create real pain for the bully or his system.
everyone has some power. you must know it, understand it.
not to blackmail or take undue advantage but to protect and safeguard yourself.
a porcupine with spines on the back is not attacked by any predator.
recognize your strength and smartly, slowly, gently, and fearlessly stand up to the bully and call his or her bluff.
and, if you have no strength, create or find one. or call me, I'll help you identify it in you or your situation.
this is one of the key reasons why some people don't share their secrets, why some people don't share all the information they have got, why some people develop networks with strong people, why people make others dependent on them, make themselves indispensable to the extent possible...
i hope i have given you hope to reclaim your life.
best wishes
Jagmohan Singh
Friday Trainers
fridaytrainers@gmail.com
#bullying #bully
while everyone is suffering, nobody is recognizing it as an emergency or doing anything about it. people seem to have given up in sheer hopelessness.
there are countless articles and videos of experts giving solutions, ways, and tricks to counter and survive bullies, but all fall flat before the draconian reality.
bullying is like an unpleasant adamant elephant in the room making everyone's life miserable, and yet everyone is so used to it that they behave as if it is not there!
bullies are everywhere....in families, in the neighbourhood, at workplaces, in relations...not just individuals but also nations and all kinds of entities who are bullies...
they drive their victims crazy, making their personal, professional, and family life hell. the victims seem to have only two options - either surrender and keep suffering or fight to defeat in an unequal battle. the fight turns out to be a worse solution than the problem.
everyone seems to be clueless about the potential solution.
is there any?
fortunately, there is a solution. and that is what i am going to share below.
to understand the solution, let's first quickly understand the cause of the problem...
a bully is not necessarily a fat, heavy, ugly, angry guy....bullies come in all types and varieties. in fact, a bully is a state of mind.
a bully bullies because of 5 main reasons:-
1- that is his or her habit and is continuing unabated and unchecked because no one countered him or her to stop
2- that is his or her way of releasing his or her negative energy or frustrations
3- he or she is in a vulnerable position, considers you a threat or a competitor, fears you and hence bullies you consciously or subconsciously to get you out of the way
4- it gives him or her pleasure...typical hunting (killing for pleasure) mindset...a bully having little or no conscience (the sense of right or wrong)
5- bullying serves them some purpose, some benefit
the first and second types can be easily countered by just standing up to them. chances are that you have already done that and it hasn't worked. it means that your bully is not from these two types.
most chronic bullies are of type 3,4 or 5
so, what to do about them?
the hint of the solution to countering a bully lies in the reason why he or she doesn't bully everyone? why only you? or the likes of you?
you will notice that bullies don't bully everyone around you. you feel as if he or she has randomly picked you. that's not true.
you have become a victim for a reason, and that reason is missing in others.
what is that reason?
"power, strength, importance"
yes, that's right. you read it correctly...
these are the reasons for your being bullied.
just answer me...
why are you important? (i mean in your place where you are being bullied)
are you powerful or powerless? what is your strategic power or strength?
confused?
let me give you some examples...
have you noticed that one of your colleagues is not being bullied by the same bully because his or her father or brother or husband is in police or income tax or is a politician etc.
have you noticed that someone in the same office is not bullied because he or she is in accounts and the bully needs to get his bills cleared from him or her...
have you noticed that the bully doesn't bully someone who has a goon bodybuilder friend...
have you noticed that the bully doesn't bully his friend's relative...
have you noticed that the same bully doesn't bully someone who is a source of profit or benefit to him or her?
....so what are the common patterns you see in these examples?
you got it!
if you are of any gain to the bully, the bully will spare you.
if you can potentially cause pain to the bully, the bully is unlikely to touch you.
please remember that the bully is a bully but not a fool. he or she knows where his or her interest lies.
it is all a game of gain or pain being played.
your ability to give gain or pain to someone trying to bully you is your shield against bullying.
all relations are negotiation balances. till the balance is achieved, negotiation continues, consciously or unconsciously, clean or dirty.
weakness is not good. it may comfort you temporarily but soon will make your life hell.
only some kind of strategic power or strength can save you from predators who will always be there.
you have to have a deterrent. you should not be a delicious target but a bitter one. the pain that the bully gets by bullying you (including the loss of gain) should take you out of his or her list.
bullies will continue to be there because that is human nature arising out of a particular cocktail of situations and traits. but your primary duty is to protect you and those around you.
you might say that you have no uncle or relative in police or income tax or muscleman etc. you might say that you are in no position to give gain or pain to the bully.
but you are wrong. the fact is that you are so full of fear and hopelessness that you are not noticing some strategic strength or importance you carry.
for example, you might be doing work so hard that the bully knows that he won't find another one to replace you in case you are not there.
maybe you know some critical information or have a skill which is difficult to find a replacement of and your absence can create real pain for the bully or his system.
everyone has some power. you must know it, understand it.
not to blackmail or take undue advantage but to protect and safeguard yourself.
a porcupine with spines on the back is not attacked by any predator.
recognize your strength and smartly, slowly, gently, and fearlessly stand up to the bully and call his or her bluff.
and, if you have no strength, create or find one. or call me, I'll help you identify it in you or your situation.
this is one of the key reasons why some people don't share their secrets, why some people don't share all the information they have got, why some people develop networks with strong people, why people make others dependent on them, make themselves indispensable to the extent possible...
i hope i have given you hope to reclaim your life.
best wishes
Jagmohan Singh
Friday Trainers
fridaytrainers@gmail.com
#bullying #bully
